CHRISTOPHER WALKEN

CRISPIN GLOVER

SUSPECT

CAMERAMAN

 

EXT, NIGHT, city street driving in a POLICE CAR with CHRISTOPHER WALKEN (driving) and CRISPIN GLOVER (chewing his nails) dressed in police uniforms.  We are part of a familiar POLICE APPREHENSION reality show.

 

WALKEN: This cruiser purrs like my lover.  Steel.  Fascinating.  Glover, fork me over one of them delicious powdered donuts you got stashed, all hidden to yourself.

 

GLOVER: Look, I asked you if you wanted to split, but you said "Donuts: that's a kid's game."  So I bought these just for me....

 

WALKEN: Can it, Crispin.  What kind of name is that, Crispin.  Get a man's name.  Chris.  Christopher.  Be a man.  As it stands you are less than the long dark shadow of the law, and this I cannot tolerate.  Will not.  Be a man.

 

(PAUSE)

 

WALKEN: Time to light up the citizenry and flush out a rat with some delicious cheese.  This appears to be a suspicious vehicle to me, and I plan to investigate its occupant for your viewing pleasure.

 

CUT TO WALKEN and GLOVER approach the VEHICLE with their flashlights.

 

GLOVER: can I see your license and registration, please?

 

suddenly, WALKEN blows a hole through the SUSPECT's otherwise-unsespecting FACE.

 

WALKEN: Tell it to the judge, dirt....bag.

 

GLOVER: Man, what are you doing?  We didn't know if he did anything!

 

WALKEN: Oh he done it.  We all done it, Crispin.  We are all guilty.  Now, what say we divvy up the loot and get back to those donuts, sass-man.  Sasquatch.  I hunger for a tasty donut, get the point?

 

FIN