Cody: Interesting computer haikus. Naturally, fitting the compu-geek stereotype, the "rules" of haiku have been followed fanatically. But few capture the "mu" of haiku:
A temp types away
Chain letters, collecting wage
The cooling fan spins
John Speranza
Thanks for the computer haiku that you sent the other day. I'm planning to use a few of them in my classes as proof that all American children are made to write them at some time during elementary school.
The kids get a kick out of things like that.
As to the artistic merit of the works you sent me, I thought they were technically accurate, but almost entirely devoid of the seasonal element that is a requirement for true Haiku. I wonder why they never taught us that aspect in 4th grade English class... My friends and I always ended up with haikus like:
Brian humps puppies.
Today's lunch is pork patties.
I hate English class.
Come to think of it, haiku class was always the easiest class of the school year. All of this reminiscing makes me long for the days when "hump" was one of those words we used about 50 times a day. When did "hump" go out of style?
John Fried
I think Fried comes close, but Speranza, you still win the haiku contest. I guess that my entries weren't really my own, and normally I would be disqualified, but this is my consolation a-mual American bastard haiku:
The Grinch stole my toys
Santa touched my Who-winkie
You call that roast beast?
And one that is perhaps more "seasonal" just for you, Mr. "OO, look at me, I teach ENGLISH in JAPAN and your haikus are WRONG!"
Bees on my bottom
Stinging my tender scrotum
Love in the springtime
Cody Weathers
Battlefield Earth it seems
Is a steaming pile of doo
Bad, Travolta, Bad
Gary Gunter
I'm so bad at haiku
Always just one syllable off
In the springtime
First real sunny day
Must look like I'm working hard
Thank God for Cody
What ever happened
To three months off for summer
And Phil Donahue?
Michal Broadbent
The space prostitute
A giant bed of lasers
My penis in flames
Is Flame Cow a clone?
Or is he the Everyman?
I fucked Gringor Stynx
Today at my school
The teacher fell on his head
Our class ate the brains
Are you my real mom?
I sizzled my small weiner
Where is my diaper?
Elian, my son
The government has found you
I told them "Use guns!"
This rabbit is sour
And disobedient, too
Bring me another
Imaginary
Friends have betrayed my true vice
My mouth full of moths
The Man is my friend
He crushes my enemies
His name is John Fried
I once loved a girl
Oh wait, I think that was you
And you're just a lamp
Flip Nasty, a band
That nobody notices
Is making that noise
My name is a song
"Cody Weathers, I love you"
You don't like that song
While crossing the street
A naked woman grabbed me
That's why I'm so late
"This chili is sour"
"What chili? That's not chili."
"Where can I throw up?"
I turned 26
A talking tree knocked me down
My dog is a cop
Cody Weathers